Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER
I found one measuring approx. 1.5 inches across (plus legs) in my wash bag this morning.I've had to dump the bag and all it's contents into the bath.I've left the window open.Hopefully he will feel adventurous and escape the house for a life of freedom in the garden,far far away from my face cloth.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Back to the future nostalgia
This blog post has nothing to do with the film.
I've never been one for flicking through childhood photographs recalling the brilliant adventures I had in the field down the road or in the fairy fort over the hill.There are many reasons for this.The first is practical-I hated and I mean HATED having my photograph taken as a child and so I don't have many.The second is also practical in that I never had any great adventures in the field and was frightened of the fairy fort. So there you go.My trips down memory lane are almost always in the context of sweets.I remember all of the sweets from my childhood and associate all of my childhood events with some sort of confectionery , refreshers mainly.I've just been reintroduced to refreshers and unlike Monster Munch and Loop de Loops they shave stood the test of time .Just as peculiarly chalky and simultaneously tangy as I remember.
Lately however I've begun collecting future nostalgia in the form of downloaded images from the internet.I spend hours trawling through the Foxtons website in search of the perfect North London flat. I'm currently unemployed and living in Ireland . Arresting this flight of fancy with a dose of reality I've even given myself a budget of £280,000. I have decided that ex-local authority is the way to go.From what I can see in the photos these flats seem to be bigger with more storage and high rise.I love the idea of being on the sixteenth floor(as long as there is a lift) with a little balcony for my mini clothes line.I'm looking for a two bed or if I can get it with my fictional thousands a three bed ( bed 3 being used as my office for yes people in the future I feel I will have need of an office). I have never been there but I've come to the conclusion that Maide Vale is the place for me.I've google street viewed it and I think I'd fit in.
Once I've purchased my sixteenth floor fantasy pad I'll need to furnish it.I've begun a mood board
As discussed previously via Twitter I have a fetish for green couches so something like this for the open plan living space ( : ) get me doing a Kirstie on it)
A Barcelona chair for reading The Guardian
Day time tv has taught me that nothing sets an open plan living space off more than an antique mirror.Who am (fantasy future) I to argue so ;
Gaudy gilt and massive .
The other rooms will follow suit with shiny glamorous decor all but the office.My office will be white , like a room sized Mac. Oh and yeah in the future I'll have a Mac.A Mac on which I will have written 3 Bafta winning shows-a comedy,a drama and a factual.
I've been thinking long and hard about my future companion.Not a sex companion or a romantic one but a furry one. I'd love a Norwegian Forrest Cat but they're not suited to "apartment living". Perhaps a British Shorthair.Although I'm not too keen on having heart ache in my fantasy future and caring for and living with a pet who will inevitably die is a heart ache. The constant worry , the constant guilt about them being home alone ,even if it is just for the hour it takes you to do the shopping,most of which is for them.Then what happens when you want to go on holidays (which incidentally in the future will be to Iceland ).Who will care for them ? What happens if they get ill while you are away?Couldn't you find a holiday suitable for them too-selfish bitch? That last one is exclusive to cat owners-it's a look they reserve for when you've just returned from holidays or when you've taken a fraction of a second too long to let them in from the rain.With living on the sixteenth floor of the apartment block where will he play?What if he jumps out the window? I doubt he'd survive that much of a drop. I fear the pet fantasy is out the window.
I've mentioned my future job above albeit briefly.Fantasy me will be a brilliantly witty writer for the BBC. I know the Beeb as it is known to the locals has its critics but personally I think it is bloody fantastic.Today I spent 30 minutes on a hot bus to get to an internet cafe that has somehow managed to gain access to i-player. Aaaaaa i-player . I would love to have access to it at home but alas the BBC have yet to see the potential in selling access to those of us not in the UK. I'd happily pay a good percentage of the license fee to be able to watch it.I've said as much to the Beeb in many emails. I haven't heard from them yet. Back to my job , I'd work from home churning out "genius" scripts from my Mac room.It will have to be a Mac ,all writers have a Mac. Of course working from home will call for discipline and that's where my future lifestyle comes into play.
A day in the life of future me
6.30 wake up
6.30 check e mails , read papers have coffee
7.30 yoga/pilates/swim/run or combination of all four
8.45 shower-one of those flat head mega power showers in a wet room
9.15 get dressed - fabulously
9.45-work
11.30 - coffee break
11.45-more work - creating masterpiece after masterpiece ( even tough I'm almost positive a person can only have 1 masterpiece hence "masterpiece" )
14.00- lunch with friends
15.30- more work - maybe a few meetings at this point so I might be in a posh fancy office somewhere
16.30 finished,free to do whatever I want for the rest of the day.
17.00 - Bedtime - dinner,cinema,theatre,pub,dvd,twitter,evening walk , another shower,telly,bed,bed and telly ,sleep
Yep .Fantastic .
I of course will be fit toned and healthy.My bowels will be regular and shiny like Martine McCutcheon's , my hair as bouncy as Cheryl Tweedy Cole Nation's Sweetheart Tweedy's and my ass as hot as a Reebok model's.I won't have a car as I will be far too environmentally aware and far too spatially unaware.By then I will have read every last book on my shelves, solved a riddle from Only Connect after only one clue and most importantly have squirreled away at least one "wine fact" for use at future dinner parties.For future me will be a dinner party kind of gal.In short future me will be smug as fuck.I like future me.Future me is a better me.Future me is a successful me.Future me is me me me me me me me me me.
I've never been one for flicking through childhood photographs recalling the brilliant adventures I had in the field down the road or in the fairy fort over the hill.There are many reasons for this.The first is practical-I hated and I mean HATED having my photograph taken as a child and so I don't have many.The second is also practical in that I never had any great adventures in the field and was frightened of the fairy fort. So there you go.My trips down memory lane are almost always in the context of sweets.I remember all of the sweets from my childhood and associate all of my childhood events with some sort of confectionery , refreshers mainly.I've just been reintroduced to refreshers and unlike Monster Munch and Loop de Loops they shave stood the test of time .Just as peculiarly chalky and simultaneously tangy as I remember.
Lately however I've begun collecting future nostalgia in the form of downloaded images from the internet.I spend hours trawling through the Foxtons website in search of the perfect North London flat. I'm currently unemployed and living in Ireland . Arresting this flight of fancy with a dose of reality I've even given myself a budget of £280,000. I have decided that ex-local authority is the way to go.From what I can see in the photos these flats seem to be bigger with more storage and high rise.I love the idea of being on the sixteenth floor(as long as there is a lift) with a little balcony for my mini clothes line.I'm looking for a two bed or if I can get it with my fictional thousands a three bed ( bed 3 being used as my office for yes people in the future I feel I will have need of an office). I have never been there but I've come to the conclusion that Maide Vale is the place for me.I've google street viewed it and I think I'd fit in.
Once I've purchased my sixteenth floor fantasy pad I'll need to furnish it.I've begun a mood board
As discussed previously via Twitter I have a fetish for green couches so something like this for the open plan living space ( : ) get me doing a Kirstie on it)
A Barcelona chair for reading The Guardian
Day time tv has taught me that nothing sets an open plan living space off more than an antique mirror.Who am (fantasy future) I to argue so ;
Gaudy gilt and massive .The other rooms will follow suit with shiny glamorous decor all but the office.My office will be white , like a room sized Mac. Oh and yeah in the future I'll have a Mac.A Mac on which I will have written 3 Bafta winning shows-a comedy,a drama and a factual.
I've been thinking long and hard about my future companion.Not a sex companion or a romantic one but a furry one. I'd love a Norwegian Forrest Cat but they're not suited to "apartment living". Perhaps a British Shorthair.Although I'm not too keen on having heart ache in my fantasy future and caring for and living with a pet who will inevitably die is a heart ache. The constant worry , the constant guilt about them being home alone ,even if it is just for the hour it takes you to do the shopping,most of which is for them.Then what happens when you want to go on holidays (which incidentally in the future will be to Iceland ).Who will care for them ? What happens if they get ill while you are away?Couldn't you find a holiday suitable for them too-selfish bitch? That last one is exclusive to cat owners-it's a look they reserve for when you've just returned from holidays or when you've taken a fraction of a second too long to let them in from the rain.With living on the sixteenth floor of the apartment block where will he play?What if he jumps out the window? I doubt he'd survive that much of a drop. I fear the pet fantasy is out the window.
I've mentioned my future job above albeit briefly.Fantasy me will be a brilliantly witty writer for the BBC. I know the Beeb as it is known to the locals has its critics but personally I think it is bloody fantastic.Today I spent 30 minutes on a hot bus to get to an internet cafe that has somehow managed to gain access to i-player. Aaaaaa i-player . I would love to have access to it at home but alas the BBC have yet to see the potential in selling access to those of us not in the UK. I'd happily pay a good percentage of the license fee to be able to watch it.I've said as much to the Beeb in many emails. I haven't heard from them yet. Back to my job , I'd work from home churning out "genius" scripts from my Mac room.It will have to be a Mac ,all writers have a Mac. Of course working from home will call for discipline and that's where my future lifestyle comes into play.
A day in the life of future me
6.30 wake up
6.30 check e mails , read papers have coffee
7.30 yoga/pilates/swim/run or combination of all four
8.45 shower-one of those flat head mega power showers in a wet room
9.15 get dressed - fabulously
9.45-work
11.30 - coffee break
11.45-more work - creating masterpiece after masterpiece ( even tough I'm almost positive a person can only have 1 masterpiece hence "masterpiece" )
14.00- lunch with friends
15.30- more work - maybe a few meetings at this point so I might be in a posh fancy office somewhere
16.30 finished,free to do whatever I want for the rest of the day.
17.00 - Bedtime - dinner,cinema,theatre,pub,dvd,twitter,evening walk , another shower,telly,bed,bed and telly ,sleep
Yep .Fantastic .
I of course will be fit toned and healthy.My bowels will be regular and shiny like Martine McCutcheon's , my hair as bouncy as Cheryl Tweedy Cole Nation's Sweetheart Tweedy's and my ass as hot as a Reebok model's.I won't have a car as I will be far too environmentally aware and far too spatially unaware.By then I will have read every last book on my shelves, solved a riddle from Only Connect after only one clue and most importantly have squirreled away at least one "wine fact" for use at future dinner parties.For future me will be a dinner party kind of gal.In short future me will be smug as fuck.I like future me.Future me is a better me.Future me is a successful me.Future me is me me me me me me me me me.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thingvellir
A photograph of the ancient Icelandic Parliament meeting place,Thingvillir. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. The environment is so completely overwhelming once at the centre you feel almost invisible. A definite one for the "must see" list
Friday, July 16, 2010
Portion Control?
I've never done a photo essay before, or as the regular bloggers call them IPE. To be honest I was just too lazy . Today however I learned just how easy it is , and luckily not as time consuming or as taxing as I had thought.
Anyway, inspired my this IEP ( get me using the lingo) http://meandmybigmouth.typepad.com/scottpack/2010/07/guest-blogger-robert-hudson.html I embarked upon the creation of an homage to Robert Hudson's epic coleslaw essay.
It inspired me to do four things really
1.Buy a book of short stories called the Fish Garden ( see the name of Robert Hudson's blog)
2.Buy a good knife
3.Create a photo essay of my own
4. Make his Mum's coleslaw
I don't know either Robert or his Mum but what I do know is they make fine good coleslaw.
Inspiration number 1-the fish titled book
Please note the empty packet of liquorice tea. I use it as a bookmark. I found it (the book) in the local charity shop.I volunteer there a few days a week an activity I would highly recommend.Inspiration number 2-buying a good knife
Now I doubt very much that this, my new knife is as good as the knife in the original .It cost €5.99 in the Co-op .It was all I could afford today .Anyway it did the job.
Inspiration number 3-the photo essay
The Cabbage
This probably should be somewhere else in the sequence of events , actually it probably should be the number 1 inspiration but fuck it , I'm living it large and fucking with IPE structure .
Inspiration number 4-the coleslawThe Cabbage
Chopping of the giant cabbage
This was the smallest cabbage I could find in Barry Collins' Super Valu, the local supermarket.I didn't weigh it but by the time I got home with it, my bag had left a bruise on my shoulder. I won't forget my easy-shopper trolley/bag thing again. Note the new knife next to it,still in it's packaging proving it's newness .
A variation-adding carrot
I noticed that the original coleslaw didn't have any so being a lover of raw carrot I added some .I cheated a big bit here in that I bought some ready cut carrot .
The onion - another cheat
About 7 years ago I bought a kitchen chopper.It's a bit like a salad spinner thing but with blades.The cabbage had taken a toll on my wrists so I used the easy chopper .I also used it for the eggs.
The EggssssThis is the adding of the egg. In the original, 2 eggs were used however here I used 3 but then decided that 3 wasn't enough and so added another two later on.I'm an eggy sort.That coupled with the massive cabbage meant that the egg to cabbage ratio was off.Although why it never occurred to me to use only some of the cabbage I'll never know .
Next up-Pineapple
If I'm being honest I put the pineapple into the easy chopper too. You can see the brand new but redundant knife just behind the tin.At this point I added all of the ingredients together and began to stir in the mayonnaise .The quantity was vast and so I had to use an overflow dish and make two separate mixtures .I wanted to make sure they were thoroughly mushed up. It was during this time that I realised the shagging cheese was sitting there unused.
The (shagging) Cheese
I used a red cheddar
THE COLESLAW
I have to say it is a very tasty salad .However, I'd advise against serving it at a party where you might hope to attract a "mate". Eating it can leave you quite farty and bloated not to mention oniony of breath.
THE COLESLAW
I have to say it is a very tasty salad .However, I'd advise against serving it at a party where you might hope to attract a "mate". Eating it can leave you quite farty and bloated not to mention oniony of breath.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Read The Fine Print
I don't normally dispense advice but today I will.
My sister received her end of year exam results from college today.She did brilliantly scoring in excess of 90 in almost every module.Hooraaay for her. Thrilled with this news she decided to finally clean out her car spurred on by the knowledge that she was returning to her studies next year.She scrubbed,rubbed hoovered polished and hosed for hours.Then she received a text.It went something like this
Jesus this is the best day of my life.I passed my exams,I fitted into a size 8 dress It will mean missing a few days of college but it's New York.I can't believe it,Jesus (at this point her squeeling had reached a pitch only Daisy the neighbors Bichon Frise could hear) "It must be some kind of joke" my mum replied "read the text again" .My sister obliged and quickly told the sender that Yes she was available and OMG.
And here is where you learn the lesson.Always ALWAYS read the fine print.
Moments later the familiar beep beep sounded.
You have 1 new message
OK
Open
....and it read
Oh No,I feel so bad.It was a joke re-read the text lol
In her excitement my sister neglected to read the entire text
Are you free in September , you'll never believe it.I've just won a trip to New York on 2FM answering a question on Sex and the City,It's for me and 3 friends , 2 weeks all inc.films,limos,dresses etc with 5000 spending money.Flights leave from Dublin 20th September ,so let me know if you are free .....I need someone to take the wheelie bin out .
My sister received her end of year exam results from college today.She did brilliantly scoring in excess of 90 in almost every module.Hooraaay for her. Thrilled with this news she decided to finally clean out her car spurred on by the knowledge that she was returning to her studies next year.She scrubbed,rubbed hoovered polished and hosed for hours.Then she received a text.It went something like this
Are you free in September , you'll never believe it.I've just won a trip to New York on 2FM answering a question on Sex and the City,It's for me and 3 friends , 2 weeks all inc.films,limos,dresses etc with 5000 spending money.Flights leave from Dublin 20th September ,so let me know if you are free
Almost unable to move for excitement my sister finally made it down the driveway into the house.Her shaking alerted my mother to the commotion .Jesus this is the best day of my life.I passed my exams,I fitted into a size 8 dress It will mean missing a few days of college but it's New York.I can't believe it,Jesus (at this point her squeeling had reached a pitch only Daisy the neighbors Bichon Frise could hear) "It must be some kind of joke" my mum replied "read the text again" .My sister obliged and quickly told the sender that Yes she was available and OMG.
And here is where you learn the lesson.Always ALWAYS read the fine print.
Moments later the familiar beep beep sounded.
You have 1 new message
OK
Open
....and it read
Oh No,I feel so bad.It was a joke re-read the text lol
In her excitement my sister neglected to read the entire text
Are you free in September , you'll never believe it.I've just won a trip to New York on 2FM answering a question on Sex and the City,It's for me and 3 friends , 2 weeks all inc.films,limos,dresses etc with 5000 spending money.Flights leave from Dublin 20th September ,so let me know if you are free .....I need someone to take the wheelie bin out .
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Claire's Self Indulgent Tripe: Seven Star Coin Saver
Claire's Self Indulgent Tripe: Seven Star Coin Saver: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct8OomMl_TM"
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