I've never been one for flicking through childhood photographs recalling the brilliant adventures I had in the field down the road or in the fairy fort over the hill.There are many reasons for this.The first is practical-I hated and I mean HATED having my photograph taken as a child and so I don't have many.The second is also practical in that I never had any great adventures in the field and was frightened of the fairy fort. So there you go.My trips down memory lane are almost always in the context of sweets.I remember all of the sweets from my childhood and associate all of my childhood events with some sort of confectionery , refreshers mainly.I've just been reintroduced to refreshers and unlike Monster Munch and Loop de Loops they shave stood the test of time .Just as peculiarly chalky and simultaneously tangy as I remember.
Lately however I've begun collecting future nostalgia in the form of downloaded images from the internet.I spend hours trawling through the Foxtons website in search of the perfect North London flat. I'm currently unemployed and living in Ireland . Arresting this flight of fancy with a dose of reality I've even given myself a budget of £280,000. I have decided that ex-local authority is the way to go.From what I can see in the photos these flats seem to be bigger with more storage and high rise.I love the idea of being on the sixteenth floor(as long as there is a lift) with a little balcony for my mini clothes line.I'm looking for a two bed or if I can get it with my fictional thousands a three bed ( bed 3 being used as my office for yes people in the future I feel I will have need of an office). I have never been there but I've come to the conclusion that Maide Vale is the place for me.I've google street viewed it and I think I'd fit in.
Once I've purchased my sixteenth floor fantasy pad I'll need to furnish it.I've begun a mood board
As discussed previously via Twitter I have a fetish for green couches so something like this for the open plan living space ( : ) get me doing a Kirstie on it)
A Barcelona chair for reading The Guardian
Day time tv has taught me that nothing sets an open plan living space off more than an antique mirror.Who am (fantasy future) I to argue so ;
Gaudy gilt and massive .The other rooms will follow suit with shiny glamorous decor all but the office.My office will be white , like a room sized Mac. Oh and yeah in the future I'll have a Mac.A Mac on which I will have written 3 Bafta winning shows-a comedy,a drama and a factual.
I've been thinking long and hard about my future companion.Not a sex companion or a romantic one but a furry one. I'd love a Norwegian Forrest Cat but they're not suited to "apartment living". Perhaps a British Shorthair.Although I'm not too keen on having heart ache in my fantasy future and caring for and living with a pet who will inevitably die is a heart ache. The constant worry , the constant guilt about them being home alone ,even if it is just for the hour it takes you to do the shopping,most of which is for them.Then what happens when you want to go on holidays (which incidentally in the future will be to Iceland ).Who will care for them ? What happens if they get ill while you are away?Couldn't you find a holiday suitable for them too-selfish bitch? That last one is exclusive to cat owners-it's a look they reserve for when you've just returned from holidays or when you've taken a fraction of a second too long to let them in from the rain.With living on the sixteenth floor of the apartment block where will he play?What if he jumps out the window? I doubt he'd survive that much of a drop. I fear the pet fantasy is out the window.
I've mentioned my future job above albeit briefly.Fantasy me will be a brilliantly witty writer for the BBC. I know the Beeb as it is known to the locals has its critics but personally I think it is bloody fantastic.Today I spent 30 minutes on a hot bus to get to an internet cafe that has somehow managed to gain access to i-player. Aaaaaa i-player . I would love to have access to it at home but alas the BBC have yet to see the potential in selling access to those of us not in the UK. I'd happily pay a good percentage of the license fee to be able to watch it.I've said as much to the Beeb in many emails. I haven't heard from them yet. Back to my job , I'd work from home churning out "genius" scripts from my Mac room.It will have to be a Mac ,all writers have a Mac. Of course working from home will call for discipline and that's where my future lifestyle comes into play.
A day in the life of future me
6.30 wake up
6.30 check e mails , read papers have coffee
7.30 yoga/pilates/swim/run or combination of all four
8.45 shower-one of those flat head mega power showers in a wet room
9.15 get dressed - fabulously
9.45-work
11.30 - coffee break
11.45-more work - creating masterpiece after masterpiece ( even tough I'm almost positive a person can only have 1 masterpiece hence "masterpiece" )
14.00- lunch with friends
15.30- more work - maybe a few meetings at this point so I might be in a posh fancy office somewhere
16.30 finished,free to do whatever I want for the rest of the day.
17.00 - Bedtime - dinner,cinema,theatre,pub,dvd,twitter,evening walk , another shower,telly,bed,bed and telly ,sleep
Yep .Fantastic .
I of course will be fit toned and healthy.My bowels will be regular and shiny like Martine McCutcheon's , my hair as bouncy as Cheryl Tweedy Cole Nation's Sweetheart Tweedy's and my ass as hot as a Reebok model's.I won't have a car as I will be far too environmentally aware and far too spatially unaware.By then I will have read every last book on my shelves, solved a riddle from Only Connect after only one clue and most importantly have squirreled away at least one "wine fact" for use at future dinner parties.For future me will be a dinner party kind of gal.In short future me will be smug as fuck.I like future me.Future me is a better me.Future me is a successful me.Future me is me me me me me me me me me.
