Leaderless and lost

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11810195

I received a messege via Twitter earlier today from the BBC.They wanted to ask me some questions about Ireland ,"The Bailout" and Emigration. The link above os to the BBC News website and below are the original questions.I am too angry and sad to do a proper blog post so I've just cut and pasted

- Your age, location and occupation.

I am 30 ,unemployed living back at home with my Mother in Co.Cork

- What is your view on the bail-out?

We need this bailout.There's no two ways about it.People argue we are signing away our soverignty but that happened a long time ago.It happened when our government and our bankers felt they had the right to gamble with it.The radio talk shows are brimming with rhetoric "people have died for this Republic" , "Connolly is turning in his grave" Is he? If he is then I doubt his postmortem animosity is directed towards this "bailout" but at the sheer arrogance,deceipt and ineptitude that led to it.As I type this the Green Party who form part of our coalition have called for a general election at the end of January 2011.A bit late to the party aren't we Mr Gormley.
I watched the "Bailout Press Conference" last night.It was incredibly sad.The anger,confusion and sense of loss was palpable.Cowen couldn't tell us how much the bailout would be,how it would be drawn down,how long it would take to get us back on track.He could however tell us that he was not to blame for our current situation.So Mr Cowen as our previous Minister for Finance and current (but not for long) Taoiseach answer me this.Who is to blame? Me? I am starting to sense that maybe I and people like me are to blame because it is us the Irish people who are paying with their jobs,their livelihoods,their health care their education.
It is shameful and embarrassing that Ireland is in this position but what choice have we?

- Has it been difficult to get a job and income?

I worked in retail.Last year I became quite ill and had to leave work.As a result I had to move back to my mother's house ass I couldn't afford to pay my rent.The dole here is €196 which sounds quite generous when compared to the UK but our cost of living is quite high.I am grateful for our social welfare system,as flawed as it is.Initially I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt signing on.I had never been out of work.I always had a part-time job while at school and university and as soon as I could started working full time.Access to employment was easy in booming Ireland.I have been extremely luck to have secured some temproary work,a day here and there but nothing permanent
I volunteer with two different charities.I run an acting class for a brain injury charity ( which has suffered quite severe funding cuts) as a way of filling my time but also as a way of retraining.Eventually I would like to work full time as a drama teacher and am trying to get qualifications in this field. When I can I work a few hours in a St.Vincent de Paul shop.

- Are you considerating emigrating to other country? If so, which?

Any doubts I had about emigrating faded this week.I cannot wait 3,5,10 years to get my life back.It's either emigrate or wait for the Irish economy to pick up again.I will be moving to the UK next year.It is very difficult to save while on the dole but I am determined.I cannot wait to get away from here,and that is a heartbreaking thing to say.

- Do you feel there is hope for the young people in Ireland? What difficulties do they face? What would make them stay?

I honestly don't know if there is any hope for the young people in Ireland.My sister who is in her mid 20s is currently in full time education.She has been lucky enough to get a part time job within her chosen industry but her hours have been cut back to one day.She has another 12 months left in her studies and after that she will be emigrating.Only last night she applied for a position in the United States but Irish citizens require a Greencard or sponsor to work there so hopefully things will work out for her.My friend,a nurse is on a two year waiting list to emigrate to Australia on their skilled workers programme.

What would make them stay?

A new government
Trust in our leaders
A change in our political culture,no more gombeen Ireland
A sense of fairness
A very wooly list but that is because it is very difficult for me to articulate just how angry we are.People are confused,sad,ashamed,

embarrassed and lost.We are leaderless and frightened about our future.

To Catch A Thief-(they're a lot closer than you think)

"They are forgetting that they are really attacking the waiters, who don't have an enormous income."
This is a quote from Leonora Popa manager of London "eatery" ( I'm sorry I just really wanted to use that word) L'autre Pied. It appeared in an article in The Guardian on Monday.
Apparently a well dressed couple who dined in the fine establishment did a legger just as one of the aforementioned waiters served up their plum tart and millefeuille.Having eaten and drunk their way through a £570 Michelin -starred meal the Lupins (har har har) went on an extended fag break and never returned. The rascals! Albeit well dressed rascals.
As an honest individual I initially found it quite difficult to reconcile my amusement on hearing the story.This amusement was short lived as was my difficulty.It struck me as somewhat vulgar that 1) Popa claimed an average spend in L'autre Pied is in the region of £570 and 2) that Popa had the gall to claim that this was an attack on the waiting staff.I'm sorry Leonora but if a restaurant can see fit to charge customers an average of £570 ,I keep repeating this fact because I am still incredulous, then you absolutely can afford to pay your staff a decent wage.You absolutely can afford to pay them enough so that if another well dressed couple of Lupins decide to do a legger from a quite frankly bloody ridiculous bill of £570 it can in no way be defined as an attack on waiting staff.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/nov/15/restaurant-couple-unpaid-bill-lupin

Neurofen Plus-Hornification

Today I learned and believed to be true that Karma relly is a sweet bitch.I laughed and laughed.Then do you know what I did? I laughed again.

That wiped the smug self satisfied preachy smile off your face.Didn't it Neil boy?
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2010/1103/breaking38.html?via=mr

A photo-poem of my doings since my last blog post

SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER

I found one measuring approx. 1.5 inches across (plus legs) in my wash bag this morning.I've had to dump the bag and all it's contents into the bath.I've left the window open.Hopefully he will feel adventurous and escape the house for a life of freedom in the garden,far far away from my face cloth.

Back to the future nostalgia

This blog post has nothing to do with the film.
I've never been one for flicking through childhood photographs recalling the brilliant adventures I had in the field down the road or in the fairy fort over the hill.There are many reasons for this.The first is practical-I hated and I mean HATED having my photograph taken as a child and so I don't have many.The second is also practical in that I never had any great adventures in the field and was frightened of the fairy fort. So there you go.My trips down memory lane are almost always in the context of sweets.I remember all of the sweets from my childhood and associate all of my childhood events with some sort of confectionery , refreshers mainly.I've just been reintroduced to refreshers and unlike Monster Munch and Loop de Loops they shave stood the test of time .Just as peculiarly chalky and simultaneously tangy as I remember.
Lately however I've begun collecting future nostalgia in the form of downloaded images from the internet.I spend hours trawling through the Foxtons website in search of the perfect North London flat. I'm currently unemployed and living in Ireland . Arresting this flight of fancy with a dose of reality I've even given myself a budget of £280,000. I have decided that ex-local authority is the way to go.From what I can see in the photos these flats seem to be bigger with more storage and high rise.I love the idea of being on the sixteenth floor(as long as there is a lift) with a little balcony for my mini clothes line.I'm looking for a two bed or if I can get it with my fictional thousands a three bed ( bed 3 being used as my office for yes people in the future I feel I will have need of an office). I have never been there but I've come to the conclusion that Maide Vale is the place for me.I've google street viewed it and I think I'd fit in.
Once I've purchased my sixteenth floor fantasy pad I'll need to furnish it.I've begun a mood board

As discussed previously via Twitter I have a fetish for green couches so something like this for the open plan living space ( : ) get me doing a Kirstie on it)
A Barcelona chair for reading The Guardian
Day time tv has taught me that nothing sets an open plan living space off more than an antique mirror.Who am (fantasy future) I to argue so ;
Gaudy gilt and massive .
The other rooms will follow suit with shiny glamorous decor all but the office.My office will be white , like a room sized Mac. Oh and yeah in the future I'll have a Mac.A Mac on which I will have written 3 Bafta winning shows-a comedy,a drama and a factual.
I've been thinking long and hard about my future companion.Not a sex companion or a romantic one but a furry one. I'd love a Norwegian Forrest Cat but they're not suited to "apartment living". Perhaps a British Shorthair.Although I'm not too keen on having heart ache in my fantasy future and caring for and living with a pet who will inevitably die is a heart ache. The constant worry , the constant guilt about them being home alone ,even if it is just for the hour it takes you to do the shopping,most of which is for them.Then what happens when you want to go on holidays (which incidentally in the future will be to Iceland ).Who will care for them ? What happens if they get ill while you are away?Couldn't you find a holiday suitable for them too-selfish bitch? That last one is exclusive to cat owners-it's a look they reserve for when you've just returned from holidays or when you've taken a fraction of a second too long to let them in from the rain.With living on the sixteenth floor of the apartment block where will he play?What if he jumps out the window? I doubt he'd survive that much of a drop. I fear the pet fantasy is out the window.

I've mentioned my future job above albeit briefly.Fantasy me will be a brilliantly witty writer for the BBC. I know the Beeb as it is known to the locals has its critics but personally I think it is bloody fantastic.Today I spent 30 minutes on a hot bus to get to an internet cafe that has somehow managed to gain access to i-player. Aaaaaa i-player . I would love to have access to it at home but alas the BBC have yet to see the potential in selling access to those of us not in the UK. I'd happily pay a good percentage of the license fee to be able to watch it.I've said as much to the Beeb in many emails. I haven't heard from them yet. Back to my job , I'd work from home churning out "genius" scripts from my Mac room.It will have to be a Mac ,all writers have a Mac. Of course working from home will call for discipline and that's where my future lifestyle comes into play.
A day in the life of future me
6.30 wake up
6.30 check e mails , read papers have coffee
7.30 yoga/pilates/swim/run or combination of all four
8.45 shower-one of those flat head mega power showers in a wet room
9.15 get dressed - fabulously
9.45-work
11.30 - coffee break
11.45-more work - creating masterpiece after masterpiece ( even tough I'm almost positive a person can only have 1 masterpiece hence "masterpiece" )
14.00- lunch with friends
15.30- more work - maybe a few meetings at this point so I might be in a posh fancy office somewhere
16.30 finished,free to do whatever I want for the rest of the day.
17.00 - Bedtime - dinner,cinema,theatre,pub,dvd,twitter,evening walk , another shower,telly,bed,bed and telly ,sleep
Yep .Fantastic .
I of course will be fit toned and healthy.My bowels will be regular and shiny like Martine McCutcheon's , my hair as bouncy as Cheryl Tweedy Cole Nation's Sweetheart Tweedy's and my ass as hot as a Reebok model's.I won't have a car as I will be far too environmentally aware and far too spatially unaware.By then I will have read every last book on my shelves, solved a riddle from Only Connect after only one clue and most importantly have squirreled away at least one "wine fact" for use at future dinner parties.For future me will be a dinner party kind of gal.In short future me will be smug as fuck.I like future me.Future me is a better me.Future me is a successful me.Future me is me me me me me me me me me.

Thingvellir

DSCF1940
Originally uploaded by clairefrilly

A photograph of the ancient Icelandic Parliament meeting place,Thingvillir. It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. The environment is so completely overwhelming once at the centre you feel almost invisible. A definite one for the "must see" list

Portion Control?

I've never done a photo essay before, or as the regular bloggers call them IPE. To be honest I was just too lazy . Today however I learned just how easy it is , and luckily not as time consuming or as taxing as I had thought.

Anyway, inspired my this IEP ( get me using the lingo) http://meandmybigmouth.typepad.com/scottpack/2010/07/guest-blogger-robert-hudson.html I embarked upon the creation of an homage to Robert Hudson's epic coleslaw essay.

It inspired me to do four things really
1.Buy a book of short stories called the Fish Garden ( see the name of Robert Hudson's blog)
2.Buy a good knife
3.Create a photo essay of my own
4. Make his Mum's coleslaw

I don't know either Robert or his Mum but what I do know is they make fine good coleslaw.

Inspiration number 1-the fish titled book

Please note the empty packet of liquorice tea. I use it as a bookmark. I found it (the book) in the local charity shop.I volunteer there a few days a week an activity I would highly recommend.

Inspiration number 2-buying a good knife

Now I doubt very much that this, my new knife is as good as the knife in the original .It cost €5.99 in the Co-op .It was all I could afford today .Anyway it did the job.

Inspiration number 3-the photo essay

This probably should be somewhere else in the sequence of events , actually it probably should be the number 1 inspiration but fuck it , I'm living it large and fucking with IPE structure .

Inspiration number 4-the coleslaw

The Cabbage

Chopping of the giant cabbage

This was the smallest cabbage I could find in Barry Collins' Super Valu, the local supermarket.I didn't weigh it but by the time I got home with it, my bag had left a bruise on my shoulder. I won't forget my easy-shopper trolley/bag thing again. Note the new knife next to it,still in it's packaging proving it's newness .

A variation-adding carrot

I noticed that the original coleslaw didn't have any so being a lover of raw carrot I added some .I cheated a big bit here in that I bought some ready cut carrot .

The onion - another cheat

About 7 years ago I bought a kitchen chopper.It's a bit like a salad spinner thing but with blades.The cabbage had taken a toll on my wrists so I used the easy chopper .I also used it for the eggs.

The Eggssss

This is the adding of the egg. In the original, 2 eggs were used however here I used 3 but then decided that 3 wasn't enough and so added another two later on.I'm an eggy sort.That coupled with the massive cabbage meant that the egg to cabbage ratio was off.Although why it never occurred to me to use only some of the cabbage I'll never know .

Next up-Pineapple

If I'm being honest I put the pineapple into the easy chopper too. You can see the brand new but redundant knife just behind the tin.

At this point I added all of the ingredients together and began to stir in the mayonnaise .The quantity was vast and so I had to use an overflow dish and make two separate mixtures .I wanted to make sure they were thoroughly mushed up. It was during this time that I realised the shagging cheese was sitting there unused.

The (shagging) Cheese

I used a red cheddar


THE COLESLAW

I have to say it is a very tasty salad .However, I'd advise against serving it at a party where you might hope to attract a "mate". Eating it can leave you quite farty and bloated not to mention oniony of breath.

Read The Fine Print

I don't normally dispense advice but today I will.
My sister received her end of year exam results from college today.She did brilliantly scoring in excess of 90 in almost every module.Hooraaay for her. Thrilled with this news she decided to finally clean out her car spurred on by the knowledge that she was returning to her studies next year.She scrubbed,rubbed hoovered polished and hosed for hours.Then she received a text.It went something like this

Are you free in September , you'll never believe it.I've just won a trip to New York on 2FM answering a question on Sex and the City,It's for me and 3 friends , 2 weeks all inc.films,limos,dresses etc with 5000 spending money.Flights leave from Dublin 20th September ,so let me know if you are free

Almost unable to move for excitement my sister finally made it down the driveway into the house.Her shaking alerted my mother to the commotion .
Jesus this is the best day of my life.I passed my exams,I fitted into a size 8 dress It will mean missing a few days of college but it's New York.I can't believe it,Jesus (at this point her squeeling had reached a pitch only Daisy the neighbors Bichon Frise could hear) "It must be some kind of joke" my mum replied "read the text again" .My sister obliged and quickly told the sender that Yes she was available and OMG.
And here is where you learn the lesson.Always ALWAYS read the fine print.
Moments later the familiar beep beep sounded.

You have 1 new message
OK
Open
....and it read
Oh No,I feel so bad.It was a joke re-read the text lol

In her excitement my sister neglected to read the entire text

Are you free in September , you'll never believe it.I've just won a trip to New York on 2FM answering a question on Sex and the City,It's for me and 3 friends , 2 weeks all inc.films,limos,dresses etc with 5000 spending money.Flights leave from Dublin 20th September ,so let me know if you are free .....I need someone to take the wheelie bin out .

Claire's Self Indulgent Tripe: Seven Star Coin Saver

Claire's Self Indulgent Tripe: Seven Star Coin Saver: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct8OomMl_TM"

The Holy Grail

Not exactly but I'm mad after a pair of 8 hole leopard print faux pony skin Dr.Martens
see picture please.If anyone sees them online anywhere in a uk 5 or 6 please let me know.

The look of pity.

First things first,hello and welcome to this blog.Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes,feel free to highlight them but don't expect any improvement .I will form sentences how I see fit and will throw commas,about,willy,nilly,if, I, so, please.
Secondly I had started a blog here before but I didn't maintain it partly because I was too lazy and partly because I was too busy.Now however I seem to have plenty of time.
I like many others am unemployed.Having always worked during my time at school,university and after I am very apprehensive about being unemployed. My current status is the result of illness which meant I had to give up work .So far so negative,but not quite.
The combination of the the illness and the unemployment has meant that I am forced to reconsider my life.So far I have had to re-evaluate everything from where I live,what I ate,who I spend time with to what I'm to do for a "career" .The aforementioned "illness" was the trigger for all of this Oprah style soul searching ( she sickens me ).
Since the age of 7 I have suffered with severe panic attacks .I never,not once, said anything to anyone because I thought this was perfectly normal.I went through 22 years of constantly feeling like something awful was about to happen desperately wishing I was somewhere else.Naturally this resulted in extremely high levels of anxiety which culminated in my leaving work last year. Since then I have "sorted myself out" and am now concentrating on doing what I love.Acting and writing.(might talk about that another time)
Along with the loss employment comes the loss of financial independence.Unable to afford the rent on my lovely cosy one bed flat in the city I had no real choice but to move back to my Mum's house .I've been here about 6 months now. By itself, this situation is fine because I know it isn't a permanent fixture.However what isn't fine, what is beyond the realms of tolerable is the "look of pity".
I am single and have been for almost all of my adult life.I love being single .Even as a child when I would have the " when I'm older" chat with my friends I was always single, in my own house ,with a great job ,going on great holidays wearing great clothes.This is still my personal ambition.I have very little desire to marry and no desire to have children. A perfectly acceptable ambition for a woman in 2010.No, apparently it is not.
Having moved back to the town where I grew up I've noticed someting. In the local supermarket I frequently meet the people I went to school with .I often bump into them with their husbands,partners and kids.We do the polite "how are you ?" and the obligatory "oh what are you doing with yourself nowadays" .I stand there smiling as I hear endless tales of weddings,houses,more houses,babies,negative equity woes(I don't smile at those bits) more babies, planning permission issues etc etc etc. I reply with a "aw wonderful" "oh brilliant" , "excellent" or "yeah so many people are in the same boat not to worry it will pick up soon". Fundamentally delighted with their lot they inevitably ask the same questions of me. I answer truthfully,No I'm single,living in my mum's, saving up to move to London.Fundamentally happy and hopeful with my own lot what comes next always unnerves me .The questioner without fail,tilts their head smiles that closed mouth smile,squints their eyes and says "Oh" Immediately they are visibly uncomfortable,perhaps fearful that I'll have a break down then and there in front of the deli counter.They believe they have somehow unwittingly asked an awkward question that now has me reliving heartbreak and failure.They say things like " you'll meet someone" or " just not ready yet?" One person even said "oh well I suppose ....well,you were never really like that were you?" Like what? I began to think, still unnerved by the pity look.Like what?
Don't misunderstand, of course being married with a kid and a house can make some people happy.But,why do people think it's the only combination of things that can make you happy.I don't really care if I don't meet "someone".Yes some babies are sweet but to be honest, for me at least, not as sweet as reading the papers with a cup of coffee in total silence.Why do people associated being single with failure?Do these supermarket exchanges of pleasantries highlight something in the Irish psyche? Married+house+offspring= success.Single- offspring-own home=failure. Happy v Miserable.Them v Me
But,there are more of "me" out there than I had previously thought. More and more of us are choosing to be single,choosing to be child free choosing the path less traveled.I hope to meet some of these "us" when I move to London.
My friends here , for the most part don't mention my being single.My two closest friends are both in long term relationships and can sometimes slip into the "you'll meet someone" mode. Sometimes they'll suggest I try speed dating, this never bothered me until now.( now that I've had time -being unemployed- to think about these things) I mean I would never turn to them and say," you should break up with Alan and try singledom" . It seems perfectly acceptable to poo poo my relationship status.Even that,what I've just typed there,relationship status.Does that mean I am in a relationship with myself ? Am I without a relationship? and,why is it so important?Why is it the first question people ask after years of not seeing each other?And why the fuck must I pay a single occupancy surcharge when on holiday?